Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
