Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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