its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
