He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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