my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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