how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
