You're my little dorito
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I see more hoeing in ur future
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