Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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