She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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