Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
