last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
