he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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