If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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