Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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