I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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