just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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