thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
