I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
