JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
