he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
