I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
