Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
