this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
