We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
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