are you still at the devil's house?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize