remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
