Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
