He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm always down for nudity.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
