so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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