it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
