Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
