Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
