His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
