Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
