Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
