thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just cropdusted the office
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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