You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize