So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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