dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
