I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
