i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
