Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
