Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
