I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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