At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
