just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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