Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
