I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
do herpes really smell.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize