if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
