I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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