Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
