so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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