now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
