My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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