YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
