Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
