it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
