Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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