you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
