OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
