My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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