Are we in a gay sports bar?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were trust falling into bushes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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