Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
