I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
