like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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