I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
