My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
