i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
