cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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