how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
