I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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