yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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