Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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